I was going to fast, I was going to exercise, however I see no point as of yet.
I am going on holiday in a few weeks - a holiday where I will want to eat. I'm not anorexic - just an extreme dieter at times - therefore I know I want to eat at that point. I want to enjoy that time. So if I starve myself, how bad will I feel when I put it all back on?!
I don't know what to do - I feel in control of nothing and I cried before. I've nothing to do if I haven't got a goal.
Today I had a slice of cheesecake, some prawns and chicken in rice, some coke, a bagel and a bottle of stella.
So as of now I'm nothing, no one. I'm fat and ugly and have no purpose.
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Pressure To Eat
My parents have started noticing I don't, well, eat...
So I had to eat today, I had about 5 fork-fulls of Spaghetti Bolognese. I chewed and spitted the rest into a cup (which I've hidden in my room, ready to throw out when they go to bed). I threw up most of the food I did eat though.
Today, then, I've had a coffee, and water. Obviously the stupid calories that forced through with the spaghetti bolognese also. I may have another cup of tea in a minute,
Today, right now, I weight 118 pounds.
My measurements (breast, waist, hips) is 36, 27.5, 35
I've lost an inch off my breasts, and 1/2 an inch off my waist. I don't mind too much about the smaller boobs - usually my breasts varied from 36-37.5 anyway. It's just now I think they're a definite 36, and a C cup. That's fine by me - I just hope I still have them when I'm skinny.
So, fasting tomorrow, thursday, friday and saturday. Tomorrow I'm aloud any liquid, however, and thursday friday and saturday I'm allowed nothing but water. I seriously hope it goes well!
118 pounds is FAT FAT FAT and I need to be 95. Soon!
So I had to eat today, I had about 5 fork-fulls of Spaghetti Bolognese. I chewed and spitted the rest into a cup (which I've hidden in my room, ready to throw out when they go to bed). I threw up most of the food I did eat though.
Today, then, I've had a coffee, and water. Obviously the stupid calories that forced through with the spaghetti bolognese also. I may have another cup of tea in a minute,
Today, right now, I weight 118 pounds.
My measurements (breast, waist, hips) is 36, 27.5, 35
I've lost an inch off my breasts, and 1/2 an inch off my waist. I don't mind too much about the smaller boobs - usually my breasts varied from 36-37.5 anyway. It's just now I think they're a definite 36, and a C cup. That's fine by me - I just hope I still have them when I'm skinny.
So, fasting tomorrow, thursday, friday and saturday. Tomorrow I'm aloud any liquid, however, and thursday friday and saturday I'm allowed nothing but water. I seriously hope it goes well!
118 pounds is FAT FAT FAT and I need to be 95. Soon!
Monday, 20 June 2011
Fresh Start - no worries
I should already be down a good few pounds by now - but I am not.
I think the reason why is the binging when I get too hungry, and the lack of exercise I do afterward because I no longer see the point...
Yesterday was a bad day.
I ate bran flakes, coffee, couple of crackers, spaghetti hoops and a piece of pizza. I also scoffed a cream cake (285 calories) but threw that up straight away (which, like I said, I hate doing).
So as my parents are going away for a few days on Thursday morning - I'm doing a 3 day fast then. I need to see some rapid changes! Today I'm having: 1 coffee, 1 diet coke/pepsi, half a bowl of soup.
Tomorrow: innocent smoothie, half a bowl of soup
This then will become a 3 day water fast (no coffee, tea, diet coke, juice, smoothie).
Hopefully this will mean I lose at least 6 pounds, and then after that I will probably put on 1 more pound (as I will be eating, little, but eating) which means I should be 114 lbs. This then means I've got 15 pounds to lose in 2 and a half weeks. It will be done. :)
I want to be in double digits before I go on holiday, you see.
I think the reason why is the binging when I get too hungry, and the lack of exercise I do afterward because I no longer see the point...
Yesterday was a bad day.
I ate bran flakes, coffee, couple of crackers, spaghetti hoops and a piece of pizza. I also scoffed a cream cake (285 calories) but threw that up straight away (which, like I said, I hate doing).
So as my parents are going away for a few days on Thursday morning - I'm doing a 3 day fast then. I need to see some rapid changes! Today I'm having: 1 coffee, 1 diet coke/pepsi, half a bowl of soup.
Tomorrow: innocent smoothie, half a bowl of soup
This then will become a 3 day water fast (no coffee, tea, diet coke, juice, smoothie).
Hopefully this will mean I lose at least 6 pounds, and then after that I will probably put on 1 more pound (as I will be eating, little, but eating) which means I should be 114 lbs. This then means I've got 15 pounds to lose in 2 and a half weeks. It will be done. :)
I want to be in double digits before I go on holiday, you see.
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Looking at things brighter
Things are looking up - and I've made a damn good plan that I will stick to.
It's over 4 weeks, and it's going to be hard, but I will do it and blog it.
This week I'm doing a hell of a lot of exercise and eating between 100-300 calories per day. Today I have eaten:
- bowl of bran flakes (160 calories)
- cracker (30 calories)
- cup of tea (30 calories)
- cup of coffee (35 calories)
This equals 255 calories so far, so I've got 45 more that I can eat. Not that I have to, hopefully I won't. I can't eat after 7, anyway, and it's nearly 7 now so that should be all. Actually, I'm having another coffee tonight seen as I need to stay up to remember my French oral...
So that will equal 290, which means I've just about eaten under than my absolute maximum.
I've also made a rule that if I go overboard - then I either have to do and extra 20 minutes on exercise bike (or 30,40,50 depending on amount I went over) or cut it off my intake the next day. That way, I won't think 'oh, I've messed up now anyway' and have a binge. That will not happen.
I've done around 30-40 minutes on my exercise bike today, done 20 sit ups, 50 heel squats, some stretching.
I haven't weighed myself since the other day, and hopefully when I do (I'm thinking tomorrow) I will have gone down and not up! :)
It's over 4 weeks, and it's going to be hard, but I will do it and blog it.
This week I'm doing a hell of a lot of exercise and eating between 100-300 calories per day. Today I have eaten:
- bowl of bran flakes (160 calories)
- cracker (30 calories)
- cup of tea (30 calories)
- cup of coffee (35 calories)
This equals 255 calories so far, so I've got 45 more that I can eat. Not that I have to, hopefully I won't. I can't eat after 7, anyway, and it's nearly 7 now so that should be all. Actually, I'm having another coffee tonight seen as I need to stay up to remember my French oral...
So that will equal 290, which means I've just about eaten under than my absolute maximum.
I've also made a rule that if I go overboard - then I either have to do and extra 20 minutes on exercise bike (or 30,40,50 depending on amount I went over) or cut it off my intake the next day. That way, I won't think 'oh, I've messed up now anyway' and have a binge. That will not happen.
I've done around 30-40 minutes on my exercise bike today, done 20 sit ups, 50 heel squats, some stretching.
I haven't weighed myself since the other day, and hopefully when I do (I'm thinking tomorrow) I will have gone down and not up! :)
Yesterday
I ate, ate, ate, then threw it all back up.
It was probably the worst I've ever thrown up - it was disgusting. It was worth it though, I've never eaten 2 bagels and a bowl of cereal at once before. I don't plan on it again. 250 calories is my intake for the day (bowl of bran flakes, cracker, 2 cups of tea).
I will be thin.
It was probably the worst I've ever thrown up - it was disgusting. It was worth it though, I've never eaten 2 bagels and a bowl of cereal at once before. I don't plan on it again. 250 calories is my intake for the day (bowl of bran flakes, cracker, 2 cups of tea).
I will be thin.
Friday, 17 June 2011
Awful, Awful, Awful
Terrible day.
Cup of tea, carrots and hummus, cracker, half bowl chicken noodle soup, pancake full tin tomato soup, piece of bread, another cracker, actimel, more carrots and hummus
This all came to about 710 calories. I am disgusted.
I know for a fact I will be drinking another cup of tea also. I checked my weight a minute ago - I've put on a pound. I don't understand and I feel like crying. I don't want to throw up! I hate myself, my fat body, all 119 pounds of it. I hate my rolls of fat when I bend, my huge thies, chubby cheeks. I want to die - I want to be thin.
I am not taking this any more. I can eat 250 calories a day maximum and I skip and go on exercise bike. Swimming once or twice a week, same with jogging. Nothing with carbs.
It needs to be done.
Cup of tea, carrots and hummus, cracker, half bowl chicken noodle soup, pancake full tin tomato soup, piece of bread, another cracker, actimel, more carrots and hummus
This all came to about 710 calories. I am disgusted.
I know for a fact I will be drinking another cup of tea also. I checked my weight a minute ago - I've put on a pound. I don't understand and I feel like crying. I don't want to throw up! I hate myself, my fat body, all 119 pounds of it. I hate my rolls of fat when I bend, my huge thies, chubby cheeks. I want to die - I want to be thin.
I am not taking this any more. I can eat 250 calories a day maximum and I skip and go on exercise bike. Swimming once or twice a week, same with jogging. Nothing with carbs.
It needs to be done.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Over-view of todays food and exercise
It's pretty much toward the end of the day - and I know I won't be eating anything more. :)
Today I had:
plain pancake 80 calories
tea 30 calories
apple 55 calories
3 crackers 90 calories
half bowl soup 62 calories
tea 30 calories
plain pancake 80 calories
half slice pizza 100 calories
Exercise I did:
45 minutes walking
20 minutes step machine
stretches and some yoga
So my overall calorie intake for the day is 527. I also may have another cup of tea soon, which will come to 557 calories.
The amount of calories I have burned with walking and step machine is 242. This, clearly, is not good. I know I've done quite a bit more walking around up and down stairs in college, upstairs at home, generally moving, but I'm still annoyed at myself. 557 calories seems a little too high - and I don't like it.
Tomorrow should be a better day!
Today I had:
plain pancake 80 calories
tea 30 calories
apple 55 calories
3 crackers 90 calories
half bowl soup 62 calories
tea 30 calories
plain pancake 80 calories
half slice pizza 100 calories
Exercise I did:
45 minutes walking
20 minutes step machine
stretches and some yoga
So my overall calorie intake for the day is 527. I also may have another cup of tea soon, which will come to 557 calories.
The amount of calories I have burned with walking and step machine is 242. This, clearly, is not good. I know I've done quite a bit more walking around up and down stairs in college, upstairs at home, generally moving, but I'm still annoyed at myself. 557 calories seems a little too high - and I don't like it.
Tomorrow should be a better day!
from bad to good
Yesterday was terrible. In the morning I ate a tiny bit of porridge and a cup of tea, and I wasn't planning on much more. However, when I got home I was greeted with cupboards full of bright packaging and chocolate filled tins. I was distraught, but I scoffed a lot. Once I'd started, I saw no reason to stop. Party rings, chocolate fingers, cocktail sausages...
Of course, after it all I cried and threw most of it back up (which I hate doing). I was doing terrible. Then my mother made tea - and I was about the throw it away when I realised there was no point as I'd already ruined everything. I ate nearly two pieces of chicken and about 3 little peeled tomato's.
I only did walking for exercise, too. An hour, I felt so fat.
Today was much better. I ate a pancake this morning (small, nothing on top - 80 calories), and nearly a litre of water throughout the day. I've just come home from college (walked there and halfway back - couldn't deny a lift from friends mum) so that's about 45 minutes of walking (and it was fairly fast and a lot of points uphill).
I've just eaten a cracker (30 calories) and a cup of tea (30 calories) which is okay I think. 140 calories so far for the day, which isn't too bad. I need to stay away from the kitchen, though. I'll do at least 25 minutes on my exercise bike. I'll eat max. 400 calories for the day. That means another cup of tea or two, piece of fruit, maybe another cracker or something. I feel good! :)
Of course, after it all I cried and threw most of it back up (which I hate doing). I was doing terrible. Then my mother made tea - and I was about the throw it away when I realised there was no point as I'd already ruined everything. I ate nearly two pieces of chicken and about 3 little peeled tomato's.
I only did walking for exercise, too. An hour, I felt so fat.
Today was much better. I ate a pancake this morning (small, nothing on top - 80 calories), and nearly a litre of water throughout the day. I've just come home from college (walked there and halfway back - couldn't deny a lift from friends mum) so that's about 45 minutes of walking (and it was fairly fast and a lot of points uphill).
I've just eaten a cracker (30 calories) and a cup of tea (30 calories) which is okay I think. 140 calories so far for the day, which isn't too bad. I need to stay away from the kitchen, though. I'll do at least 25 minutes on my exercise bike. I'll eat max. 400 calories for the day. That means another cup of tea or two, piece of fruit, maybe another cracker or something. I feel good! :)
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
A Beautiful Day
It was sunny and lovely weather today. I walked to and from college - and on the way back I got quite tired as I was walking fairly fast, which is a good sign.
So I've done about an hour walking (in sets of 2 half an hours). And that is about it exercise-wise. I didn't eat at all until about 4.15, but I drank about half a litre of water at lunch-ish time.
At 4.15 I ate a plum and a cup of tea (splash of milk, one sugar). Then I had another cup of tea at about 5.20. As I live in a house with a mother cooking tea - it gets quite hard. She made chilli, and I've found a good way to make her think I'm eating. Luckily, it is normal for me to eat in my room, so I took the food upstairs and fork by fork put my chilli into a rubbish bag next to me. I put about 2 fork fulls into my mouth - but spat it back out without swallowing any at all. I cleaned the fork and had a fork full of white rice (making sure it was not toxinated by chilli). I then went downstairs like I had eaten it all up - brilliant. :)
I plan on eating 1 more piece of fruit today (apple or banana) and some more water. My calorie intake so far is 100, but that is not including the fork of rice, so I'll put it up to 110 just to be sure. I've put my daily calorie intake down to 400 calories a day maximum, but today I'll try to only reach 200. I can't eat after 7, anyway, and I'm not going to be eating 290 in 55 minutes.
I also plan on at least 20 minutes on my exercise bike.
I hope this will work.
So I've done about an hour walking (in sets of 2 half an hours). And that is about it exercise-wise. I didn't eat at all until about 4.15, but I drank about half a litre of water at lunch-ish time.
At 4.15 I ate a plum and a cup of tea (splash of milk, one sugar). Then I had another cup of tea at about 5.20. As I live in a house with a mother cooking tea - it gets quite hard. She made chilli, and I've found a good way to make her think I'm eating. Luckily, it is normal for me to eat in my room, so I took the food upstairs and fork by fork put my chilli into a rubbish bag next to me. I put about 2 fork fulls into my mouth - but spat it back out without swallowing any at all. I cleaned the fork and had a fork full of white rice (making sure it was not toxinated by chilli). I then went downstairs like I had eaten it all up - brilliant. :)
I plan on eating 1 more piece of fruit today (apple or banana) and some more water. My calorie intake so far is 100, but that is not including the fork of rice, so I'll put it up to 110 just to be sure. I've put my daily calorie intake down to 400 calories a day maximum, but today I'll try to only reach 200. I can't eat after 7, anyway, and I'm not going to be eating 290 in 55 minutes.
I also plan on at least 20 minutes on my exercise bike.
I hope this will work.
Monday, 13 June 2011
A Little About Me
My name is Juliet Reine, and I am fat and ugly.
My goal in life is to be skinny and beautiful, and I will find my ways to come about that and share that with my blog.
Appearance wise: blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'5, chubby cheeks, few spots, fairly tan skin.
Weight: 119lbs
Measurements: Breast 37" Waist 28" Hips 35"
My Goal is to be 95 pounds, with a 23" waist. I know it will happen if I try my hardest. My diet started about a week ago, and it's coming along okay, but I need to take this a little more extreme.
I have been throwing up my food - I know that is bad, though. It's vile, knowing your ruining your teeth and making yourself feel that disgusting. I am trying to stop that, and I will if only I eat less.
My aim to be beautiful starts now. I will be tall, skinny, flawless. On here I will be keeping what I have eaten each day, and what weight I am on.
I shall start with eating 800 calories a day until Sunday, and using my exercise bike for 45 minutes a day, along with yoga and pilates. I will also walk to and from college (a total of about 50 minutes altogether) and shall cut out anything which will make me ugly.
My goal in life is to be skinny and beautiful, and I will find my ways to come about that and share that with my blog.
Appearance wise: blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'5, chubby cheeks, few spots, fairly tan skin.
Weight: 119lbs
Measurements: Breast 37" Waist 28" Hips 35"
My Goal is to be 95 pounds, with a 23" waist. I know it will happen if I try my hardest. My diet started about a week ago, and it's coming along okay, but I need to take this a little more extreme.
I have been throwing up my food - I know that is bad, though. It's vile, knowing your ruining your teeth and making yourself feel that disgusting. I am trying to stop that, and I will if only I eat less.
My aim to be beautiful starts now. I will be tall, skinny, flawless. On here I will be keeping what I have eaten each day, and what weight I am on.
I shall start with eating 800 calories a day until Sunday, and using my exercise bike for 45 minutes a day, along with yoga and pilates. I will also walk to and from college (a total of about 50 minutes altogether) and shall cut out anything which will make me ugly.
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